Sunday, November 15, 2009


In a different light!

“You never know when your thoughts, passions and things that you do everyday can hopefully change someone’s life.” @BethFrysztak


The most riveting movie I have seen in my whole life! A movie that was inspired by empowering women and Artists! Mariah Carey, Monique aka (Mother Love) played the most amazing roles in a woman’s life. How phenomenal it was to see this movie on screen the actuality of what a woman goes through when she’s been abused mentally and physically and raped by both her parents.

I’ve not only witnessed this type of abuse but I have SURVIVED it!

I’m not telling this story to gain recognition or a pat on the back but because I am voicing and speaking up so that other women will have the same courage to do! Don’t shut me out! Don’t shut me up! Don’t tell your story Don’t say a word it could ruin your whole life.. .. yeah, so they tell me.. Fuck that!

I am a SURVIVOR!... and this is my story, I survived many adversities in my life you don’t know me but by the time you finish reading this you will. I had plans to write a book for myself to finish it as an accomplishment and I will. But this is just a tid-bit of the things that I have endured throughout my life.

My Step father and I went to see a movie today we talked about twitter and the social media. He had no clue what I was talking about and he’s a technician. He works with the main source of all networks the telephone line, cable and installing the network system and didn’t know much about twitter. I broke it down to him on the way to see the movie. This is the same man that I witnessed abuse my mother. Kick her on her side when she was down and pregnant. Do karate on her and hit her until she was almost dead passed out on the bed and broke her jaw. My mother went back to him once and he abused her again throwing things everywhere. I endured a lot of the yelling and aftermath as a young child. I was traumatized by this at a young age.

I won’t go into grave details about it, but during that time we moved from one place to another and my mother couldn’t take me with her the truck was full of belongings and no room for me. I was approximately 3 – 4 years old. She left me with my best friend at the time who was a 13 year old Spanish boy and his parents. I was to play outside until my mother came back to get me. The Spanish boy ended up molesting me and I had kept shut about it.

Later in my early 20’s I was graduating from high school and aside from being picked on and my step-father telling me I wasn’t really his daughter when believing the whole time that I was. It was hard to hear at first and when I confronted my mother about she explained to me that she had been raped and that is how I was born. I endured during that time the emotional and mental abuse of her stating that I looked like this rapist or that I had some of the same characteristics. I learned things at an early age that forced me to grow up fast.

Something my mother didn’t teach me something I learned on my own. I graduated at that point from high school. My first job was working in a high school as a secretary for an assistant principal and a second job in the evening as a secretary for a law firm.

I won’t name names, but the lawyer’s son thought it would be nice to sexually harass me. I didn’t file anything then because my good old friend whom I trusted told me not to say anything it would ruin my life and this trusted friend was an off duty officer. Yeah, someone you’re supposed to trust. Again shut up! Don’t speak!

So I continued to work there with the struggles. I quit this job but not before telling his wife what her son was doing my boss couldn’t talk to me straight without grabbing his crotch it felt uncomfortable. Believe it or not the man lost his business because he did drugs and he also lost his mind.

They say the best revenge is doing better for your-self! So I continued to work at the high school and I met and talked to and went out with a paralegal. Time went by he had two children and I would spend Christmas and holiday’s with him until I was sodimized. This was something new to me and I couldn’t sit down it hurt so bad. I literally heard my skin tearing. I checked and I was bleeding I went home I walked right passed my mom and she said am I ok. I said yes I went into the restroom and I cried. I took a shower. From that moment on I didn’t say a word. I just felt like I had to get away that it was too much to handle.

So, I got on the computer I met a person who I thought was in a wheel chair mute and dying. I thought he was a Christian man who I shared gospel music with and scriptures from the bible and stories. I believed I had found a friend finally someone honest, someone loyal and someone I could talk to who didn’t judge me for the things that I had been through.

The abuse continued my step father didn’t live with us at the time but my mother and my grandmother did. I was attending college. I was taking sociology and psychology and humanities and history. I had all the great courses and awesome teachers. I started to withdraw and gave up school and learned about the computer and graphic designing spending every waking moment and dedicating my time to being on the computer to talk to this guy who was dying and who was mute and who had been confirmed by his other family members about who he was.

During this time, I moved to San Diego I had my own place I had a roommate who didn’t room with me but paid her rent so it was like I was living in my own house. I had three jobs I was holding down. I worked at two 7-11’s and at Marshall’s in La Jolla. I would take the bus back and forth and come home about 1 a.m. sleep for a few hours and up and go to work the next day.

I had moved back to help my mother yet again take care of my grandmother because no one other than my mother or my sister and myself helped take care of my grandmother not even her son or her other daughter. Who still to this day do not help but are the first ones to run to money! And the funny thing about that is grandma doesn’t even have any money! LOL

Still, continuing my friendship with this guy and his family. I went through so much I still felt like I had to get away take a break from taking care of grandma see I’ve taken care of her most of my life since I was 13. But I couldn’t take it no more I up and left I got a ticket to head out before I decided that I had told my mother if she had hit me ever again I would leave and not come back. I was still in my early 20’s and she socked me in the middle of my back and I had lost wind. I couldn’t breathe I stayed calm and I waited until the next day and I booked a flight to leave. I sang my favorite song .. “I’m leaving .. on a jet plane don’t know when ill be back again” so it’s no longer my mothers favorite tune.

And I did just that but I did have intentions on coming back I had a round trip ticket to come back home. Things didn’t happen that way. I got out to the place I was going too to see my friend whom I had been conversing with.

Other things happened along the way but eventually he sent his aunt to meet me and pick me up. Well that’s when it all happened. I met a 50 year old woman who held me at gun point forced and threatened me to take a drug which made me fall asleep. When I was asleep for a brief moment in a daze I looked up and passed out. And for an instant I, seen her taking advantage of me. This woman was sick she had a multiple personality disorder she suffered from bipolar and she had panic attacks and she was on every medication you could think of. She carried with her a bag of over the counter pills. She had six kids who had kids who all dealt drugs. And her husband was an alcoholic. Before I left I hadn’t any clue about prescription drugs or guns but now I can name them off like nothing.

In her bag she had Percocet, Ambian, Vicodine, Demerol, and the only guns I could remember she had there were duffle bags filled with them. But she had a Glock, a 45 Rugur, a double Dillinger and a sniper gun or riffle. I had more than one reason to fear this woman so I stayed calm I figured if I had showed fear I would be dead. I told myself to act rational. The one thing I did that you might not agree with is when she sat near me and told me she had to tell me something and explained to me that for approximately 9 years she was the man that I had been talking too.

After the first initial incident my flight had been expired to come back home and I was stuck or felt stuck and threatened. The woman messed with my mind so much that she went as far as to tell me that she knew my biological father and that she was a police officer. She had a badge and it wasn’t hers but I didn’t know whose it was. And this is how I met my friend that had cancer that’s another story all together.

I’ll end on this note I’m not going to keep writing about sad depressing stories in my life and things that have happened to me but I want you to know it is important to speak up! It is important to voice an opinion! And it’s important to be the woman you believe you ought to be!

Stand up for yourself! Don’t let them shut you up! SPEAK UP! And remember you’re not alone!

This is just a taste of my life, there is more and a lot of good amongst the bad. I have lived a resilient life and I have bounced back from these adversities and so can you! BE A SURVIVOR! DON’T KEEP QUIET! SPEAK YOUR MIND! AND GET IT OUT!

I also believe in giving back! If you don’t take anything from this at least you have taken a small bit of caution! KEEP THE INTERNET SAFE! If someone’s harassing you or bothering you remember to contact your local Police Department!

• RAINN | Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network | RAINN: The ...
Online Help - 1.800.656.HOPE. RAINN: The nation's largest anti-sexual assault ... National Sexual Assault Hotline | 1.800.656.HOPE | Free. Confidential. ... - Similar

1 comment:

  1. I can relate to some of that. I'm happy to hear that I'm not the only one who had trauma in their life. Thanks for posting this. Hopefully it can help someone speak out and get help or realize that they are not the only ones to have similar experiences.