Friday, November 27, 2009

Happy Thanksgiving

So I didn't want to wake up early this morning i was dreading it. I had been cleaning the house all week long. And taking care of grandma and she's been pretty demanding lately. But I did, i forced myself out of bed.. And boy is it a good thing i did. My mother had invited a family to have dinner with us this thanksgiving. And not only did she soften her heart to allowing my Step-father come and have dinner with us also. Since he had been up to his usual old self lately. As you already know yesterday i spent a big part of the day preparing for today chopping and making sure things were ready for cooking. We'll my mother woke me up with a yell asking me to help her get the turkey pans out and then from that moment on it was one thing after another because she was tired already lol.

So from that point she had stuffed the turkey's and put them in the oven. Then my mother and sister went to the store to get extra things. So while they were gone i washed all the dishes my mother dirtied and put the other dishes in the dish washer away and then i rinsed the potatoes and put them to boil for mashed tatoes.

  • I thank God that I'm alive! 

Then i got a call from my Step-father saying he was around the block and that he was going to bring some pies.. and drop them off and i said well come in and he brought them in and he said he was going to visit his two brothers and he had brought his dog which i had given him years ago the dog looked healthy. I had named the dog freddie but my step-father changed his name to Sparky and well he taught him a few tricks he was showing me it was pretty funny. My sister and mother drove up at that time from the store and then my sister and my Step-dad spent some time alone talking you know how fathers and daughters do.. I think it's good for my sister that her father is in her life. But at the same time with that token it bother's me to see him talk down to her because she's pregnant or make her cry because of it.

I also feel kinda sad that i don't have that you know but that's alright I guess i do have a father when you really think about it. "God" He's been my father. A spiritual father. Moving on.. after I did the potatoes and my step-father left and was on his way back the family showed up. They took a taxi to our house it was so cute they were all excited to come to our house it was a nice feeling sharing this thanksgiving with them they are "Family".

I like having the kids help me prepare the meals. They like helping me too! It's funny I was baking a cake and baking the turkey's and making potatoes and heating the corn and the string beans and i even defrosted and heated the gravy it was frozen! The kids names are Richi, Sean, and Gus. Well richi is the youngest and has really long hair and gets teased sometimes because they say he looks like a girl. Gus had long hair before and used to get teased by his teacher so he cut his hair and wanted to donate it to the cancer society but he was told that the only play to do that was in NY and his father didn't know how to go about it. He told me that story tonight.

Everyone was watching t.v. while i was preparing the dinner and mom was taking a shower and getting ready and sister was doing her hair. and then mom took Gus to go pick up the tables and chairs we borrowed from the office so everyone would have a place to sit. And Sean well he was counting to a hundred over and over again while he was beating the cake mix. lololol he had me laughing so hard he loves helping me. Here Sean is my little helper holding the baby - Mochi! 

Well my Step-father showed up after awhile and we all fixed the tables and the fixings and we said a prayer and sat down to eat. I even made mac & Cheese that's richi's favorite i figured since the kids don't usually like vegi's they might like mac and cheeze! and they did when i told them it was ready little Richi said thats our call lol it was too funny! and the kids and the family made our thanksgiving a real homely feel at home. since our real family isn't much of a family. This family made our night. Sure they have some problems these kids almost lost their father he is sick. I don't want to spill the whole deal on a blog it's their business. but i only mention it so you could keep this family in your prayers!

After our thanks giving dinner we had some desert and then we all sat around and talked and had fun and the kids played with the dogs. and then we all decided to go see the christmas carol it was really good! My step-father wanted to take the kids out to see a movie i guess the whole festive and holiday feeling got to him and for some reason he wanted to do something nice. that made the evening for the kids, and I when we went into the theatre we seen the chipmunks stand and i had the kids stand by it and i took their picture it was kinda cute.. here they are below.. we seen the movie and then after the movie we went to get some hot chocolate and then we came home and my sister took the kids back home and i am now home and going to rest after a long day! i hope you enjoyed the fun! I am thankful for all of you that have made life worth living! Thank you! 




Wednesday, November 25, 2009

To my future Husband-Love Letter 4

Dearest Love,

As the day breaks through the curtains of my bedroom the sun shines upon my face and warms my soul with thoughts of you. Your caresses, kisses and touch are a lingering power over me.

Not only am I not sad, but I am deeply happy and secure with every tender memory of you since you’ve left. Are you sure that you shall love me forever? Because I lie awake after we’ve talked the greatest part of the night thinking of you.

There was a time when the ending of your letters were like your arms clasping me to your heart.
Those letters have taken all the real pain out of my life. You’re, loving sympathy calms my moods of despondency. And not only strengthens me but makes me want to become a better woman.

You have given meaning to my life by not only sharing your ambitions and goals but by an assurance of understanding of my life. Things have become much simpler with you by my side ardently devoted to me and my cause. You’re understanding of my thoughts and aim’s make me feel that I can epitomize the power I possess. You have brought nothing but happiness and sunshine to my days, and have brightened my outlook of life which was growing stale and morbid.

I am nearly crazy about you as much as one could be crazy. I can no longer think of anything but you. Your amorous caresses take possession of me. Distance does not matter because the supply is never ceasing.

Your wild but really affectionate Wife.
Sarah Saldana

Sunday, November 15, 2009


In a different light!

“You never know when your thoughts, passions and things that you do everyday can hopefully change someone’s life.” @BethFrysztak


The most riveting movie I have seen in my whole life! A movie that was inspired by empowering women and Artists! Mariah Carey, Monique aka (Mother Love) played the most amazing roles in a woman’s life. How phenomenal it was to see this movie on screen the actuality of what a woman goes through when she’s been abused mentally and physically and raped by both her parents.

I’ve not only witnessed this type of abuse but I have SURVIVED it!

I’m not telling this story to gain recognition or a pat on the back but because I am voicing and speaking up so that other women will have the same courage to do! Don’t shut me out! Don’t shut me up! Don’t tell your story Don’t say a word it could ruin your whole life.. .. yeah, so they tell me.. Fuck that!

I am a SURVIVOR!... and this is my story, I survived many adversities in my life you don’t know me but by the time you finish reading this you will. I had plans to write a book for myself to finish it as an accomplishment and I will. But this is just a tid-bit of the things that I have endured throughout my life.

My Step father and I went to see a movie today we talked about twitter and the social media. He had no clue what I was talking about and he’s a technician. He works with the main source of all networks the telephone line, cable and installing the network system and didn’t know much about twitter. I broke it down to him on the way to see the movie. This is the same man that I witnessed abuse my mother. Kick her on her side when she was down and pregnant. Do karate on her and hit her until she was almost dead passed out on the bed and broke her jaw. My mother went back to him once and he abused her again throwing things everywhere. I endured a lot of the yelling and aftermath as a young child. I was traumatized by this at a young age.

I won’t go into grave details about it, but during that time we moved from one place to another and my mother couldn’t take me with her the truck was full of belongings and no room for me. I was approximately 3 – 4 years old. She left me with my best friend at the time who was a 13 year old Spanish boy and his parents. I was to play outside until my mother came back to get me. The Spanish boy ended up molesting me and I had kept shut about it.

Later in my early 20’s I was graduating from high school and aside from being picked on and my step-father telling me I wasn’t really his daughter when believing the whole time that I was. It was hard to hear at first and when I confronted my mother about she explained to me that she had been raped and that is how I was born. I endured during that time the emotional and mental abuse of her stating that I looked like this rapist or that I had some of the same characteristics. I learned things at an early age that forced me to grow up fast.

Something my mother didn’t teach me something I learned on my own. I graduated at that point from high school. My first job was working in a high school as a secretary for an assistant principal and a second job in the evening as a secretary for a law firm.

I won’t name names, but the lawyer’s son thought it would be nice to sexually harass me. I didn’t file anything then because my good old friend whom I trusted told me not to say anything it would ruin my life and this trusted friend was an off duty officer. Yeah, someone you’re supposed to trust. Again shut up! Don’t speak!

So I continued to work there with the struggles. I quit this job but not before telling his wife what her son was doing my boss couldn’t talk to me straight without grabbing his crotch it felt uncomfortable. Believe it or not the man lost his business because he did drugs and he also lost his mind.

They say the best revenge is doing better for your-self! So I continued to work at the high school and I met and talked to and went out with a paralegal. Time went by he had two children and I would spend Christmas and holiday’s with him until I was sodimized. This was something new to me and I couldn’t sit down it hurt so bad. I literally heard my skin tearing. I checked and I was bleeding I went home I walked right passed my mom and she said am I ok. I said yes I went into the restroom and I cried. I took a shower. From that moment on I didn’t say a word. I just felt like I had to get away that it was too much to handle.

So, I got on the computer I met a person who I thought was in a wheel chair mute and dying. I thought he was a Christian man who I shared gospel music with and scriptures from the bible and stories. I believed I had found a friend finally someone honest, someone loyal and someone I could talk to who didn’t judge me for the things that I had been through.

The abuse continued my step father didn’t live with us at the time but my mother and my grandmother did. I was attending college. I was taking sociology and psychology and humanities and history. I had all the great courses and awesome teachers. I started to withdraw and gave up school and learned about the computer and graphic designing spending every waking moment and dedicating my time to being on the computer to talk to this guy who was dying and who was mute and who had been confirmed by his other family members about who he was.

During this time, I moved to San Diego I had my own place I had a roommate who didn’t room with me but paid her rent so it was like I was living in my own house. I had three jobs I was holding down. I worked at two 7-11’s and at Marshall’s in La Jolla. I would take the bus back and forth and come home about 1 a.m. sleep for a few hours and up and go to work the next day.

I had moved back to help my mother yet again take care of my grandmother because no one other than my mother or my sister and myself helped take care of my grandmother not even her son or her other daughter. Who still to this day do not help but are the first ones to run to money! And the funny thing about that is grandma doesn’t even have any money! LOL

Still, continuing my friendship with this guy and his family. I went through so much I still felt like I had to get away take a break from taking care of grandma see I’ve taken care of her most of my life since I was 13. But I couldn’t take it no more I up and left I got a ticket to head out before I decided that I had told my mother if she had hit me ever again I would leave and not come back. I was still in my early 20’s and she socked me in the middle of my back and I had lost wind. I couldn’t breathe I stayed calm and I waited until the next day and I booked a flight to leave. I sang my favorite song .. “I’m leaving .. on a jet plane don’t know when ill be back again” so it’s no longer my mothers favorite tune.

And I did just that but I did have intentions on coming back I had a round trip ticket to come back home. Things didn’t happen that way. I got out to the place I was going too to see my friend whom I had been conversing with.

Other things happened along the way but eventually he sent his aunt to meet me and pick me up. Well that’s when it all happened. I met a 50 year old woman who held me at gun point forced and threatened me to take a drug which made me fall asleep. When I was asleep for a brief moment in a daze I looked up and passed out. And for an instant I, seen her taking advantage of me. This woman was sick she had a multiple personality disorder she suffered from bipolar and she had panic attacks and she was on every medication you could think of. She carried with her a bag of over the counter pills. She had six kids who had kids who all dealt drugs. And her husband was an alcoholic. Before I left I hadn’t any clue about prescription drugs or guns but now I can name them off like nothing.

In her bag she had Percocet, Ambian, Vicodine, Demerol, and the only guns I could remember she had there were duffle bags filled with them. But she had a Glock, a 45 Rugur, a double Dillinger and a sniper gun or riffle. I had more than one reason to fear this woman so I stayed calm I figured if I had showed fear I would be dead. I told myself to act rational. The one thing I did that you might not agree with is when she sat near me and told me she had to tell me something and explained to me that for approximately 9 years she was the man that I had been talking too.

After the first initial incident my flight had been expired to come back home and I was stuck or felt stuck and threatened. The woman messed with my mind so much that she went as far as to tell me that she knew my biological father and that she was a police officer. She had a badge and it wasn’t hers but I didn’t know whose it was. And this is how I met my friend that had cancer that’s another story all together.

I’ll end on this note I’m not going to keep writing about sad depressing stories in my life and things that have happened to me but I want you to know it is important to speak up! It is important to voice an opinion! And it’s important to be the woman you believe you ought to be!

Stand up for yourself! Don’t let them shut you up! SPEAK UP! And remember you’re not alone!

This is just a taste of my life, there is more and a lot of good amongst the bad. I have lived a resilient life and I have bounced back from these adversities and so can you! BE A SURVIVOR! DON’T KEEP QUIET! SPEAK YOUR MIND! AND GET IT OUT!

I also believe in giving back! If you don’t take anything from this at least you have taken a small bit of caution! KEEP THE INTERNET SAFE! If someone’s harassing you or bothering you remember to contact your local Police Department!

• RAINN | Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network | RAINN: The ...
Online Help - 1.800.656.HOPE. RAINN: The nation's largest anti-sexual assault ... National Sexual Assault Hotline | 1.800.656.HOPE | Free. Confidential. ... - Similar

Tuesday, November 10, 2009



How many times have you wanted to just turn to someone to talk to? Someone Supportive? Someone who understands exactly what you’re talking about? This is what Reflections of Time is going to do for you.

I am in the process of developing a program called Reflections of HOPE. Because when we care for someone, when we take the time to feed, bathe, clothe, etc., someone else. We take on a responsibility far more delicate than most.

What Reflections of HOPE is going to provide for you is a support group not just within our own community. But I was hoping that with strong followers and friends we could branch out and become a huge stream of supporters for each-other!

I am going to look at this as a goal my goal is to help, inform, and guide you. During the difficult time caring for your friend, family member, or pt. Doctors, Nurses, Students, and Interns are welcome to join in on the fun and educate your providers because sooner or later you will be a senior and need the same support or help!

Prepare yourself now! Look no further! let’s do this together let all PROVIDER’S unite! Voice our opinions voice or stregnth’s and our weaknesses! Let’s learn from eac-hother!

I will be providing you with some links and updates but the comment area of this blog is for you! So you can join in on the fun and share stories! I will be further looking into a way we could do some background check’s for those that need assistance from other members that are looking for a job or training. It is not official yet and it is a plan in process but if you agree with my idea, goal please comment and let me know what you’re thinking!

Home Care isn’t just for Senior citizens its open to disabled children, and men and women that just can’t do for themselves anymore. This site is not just about us but the happier we are when we are able to help and talk to each-other the happier our client, patient, friend, family member will be. Because if you haven’t figured it out yet when you’re positive about life your pt. will be positive about living! Because that’s what your promoting when you care for someone else your promoting life!

I WOULD LIKE TO MENTION @KBRTradio a radio station that has inspired me from day one! With #TFTH! Talk From The Heart! You can call and talk to Rich Buhler he’s a great radio host with a great staff willing to listen! Grandma has called and talked to Rich and I have called and I have read Rich Buhler’s book. I’ll mention that later in my blogs as I have mentioned it before! I will post a website and number if I get the ok from Tim to post. Also follow Rich’s staff members @myfoxmystere an awesome friend and supporter! I love it! Thanks to my favorite radio station with Heart!

Here are some links for you to review; if there are any links that you would like to provide please email me at with the subject line of REFLECTIONS OF HOPE so that I know you are from this blog and you want me to read what you have to say or post a link that you would like posted thank you!


Supporting providers of in-home care: the needs of families with relatives who are disabled

Senior and Disability Services

Choosing Care for a Child with Special Needs

Husbands and Wives as Caregivers
Dual Roles of Spouse & Caregiver Can Damage a Relationship IS A GREAT SITE! OFFERING VALID INFORMATION TO FOLLOW!

The Decision to Use a Caregiver

Some people don't like strangers coming into the home, but a competent caregiver can easily fit into the household routine, making life easier for the couple. Still unsure? Consider these points that may help both the caregiver spouse and partner.
Honestly evaluate the magnitude of the situation. One must consider more than just the daily needs of the sick or injured person. There may be a loss of income while the sick or injured spouse is not working. There may be sudden changes in lifestyle. The well spouse may have to adjust his or her own employment schedule or take time off from work. Younger family members still need attention, too.

Realize that one person cannot possibly do it all. When injury or illness strikes, it is often the well spouse or significant other who insists on being there – driven by marital duty and loyalty – to care for the other person. But no matter how efficient, energetic, or organized the well spouse may be, no one person can reasonably or sufficiently manage everything.

Recognize that pushing beyond reasonable limits can lead to burnout and resentment.
Never underestimate the size of a caregiver's job. Whether actively or passively involved, even simple duties demand time and energy.

Know that paying attention to one's own needs is imperative. Caregiver spouses who allow no time for self-indulgence, and who do not properly maintain their own care, risk burnout or becoming ill. Depression, isolation, and resentment are signs of burnout. Overeating, alcohol abuse, bouts of anger, and inattention to appearance, are just a few of the danger signals that an overworked spouse may need help.

Expect a romantic relationship to suffer without help. When one spouse is overburdened, and the partner feels powerless to help, problems with sex and intimacy in the relationship are almost certain to develop. Furthermore, the perception of traditional roles of husband and wife change when one spouse sustains a devastating injury or is suddenly diagnosed with a long-term illness.

Accept that dignity and self-esteem play a vital part when a spouse is chronically sick or injured. When it comes to personal hygiene care, some husbands and wives are just not comfortable accepting help from the well spouse. Help can come from an agency caregiver, a volunteer, or from a personal care attendant (PCA).

Dual roles of spouse and caregiver may not seem difficult at first. However, the daily demands of caring for another person, obligations to family, staying employed, and routine of endless chores, soon become overwhelming for the well spouse. Increased worry, anxiety, and stress are unhealthy for any relationship, no matter how strong the couple may be.

Know when to hire a caregiver. It makes sense to get help before a crisis situation leads to resentment and depression for the well spouse. Once a couple realizes the advantages, seeking help from a qualified caregiver seems like a logical and very wise choice.

How to Care for a Sick Wife

Children caring for sick and disabled parents ‘risk lasting problems as adults’

Sunday, November 8, 2009

My Sister My Pride & Joy

My baby sister, It all started when I was in elementary school. My mother would come and take me my skates so i could skate home. It was funny because she was sick the couple of days before. My mother looked at me while she held my hand and I eager to put my skates on looked up at her and she leaned in and said I have a suprise for you. I didn't know much but when i was younger i cant even recall exactly how old i was but somewhere between 5 - 6 years old maybe younger.. I don't remember. But i looked her in her eyes and i said I'm having a baby sister! Her response was what?! How did you know? I said because I prayed for a baby sister, to have someone to play with.

She wen't on and told me how wonderful it would be to have a sister, then added she could have all my toys when i grow up and don't need them anymore! OMG! what a disaster that was I was like take it back! I wan't a brother! She laughed and I was happy after she had my baby sister.

Now, durring the many years of growing up I have had the wonderful exciting experience of watching my baby sister become a woman. And now she is going to be a mother. How do i explain to you the feelings, emotions, and thought's that I have about how excited I am to become an auntie. I want to be a good auntie, but i have a feeling i might spoil the child rotten!

Growing up having a sister was fun, the younger rug rat, that terrorized my bedroom with claydoh! Crayons and writing on the walls, and learning to go to the restroom. I would tell my baby sister come smell my feet tell me if they smell good and give her a quarter lol. I even charged her for a hug. HAHAHAHA Good times!

We both went through the bad hair stage my mother would take us to the beauty school to get our hair cut because it was cheaper that way. I ended up wearing beanies to school! lolol My mother was amazing I recall a moment just before my sister was born, a very happy moment for me.. My mother was flirting with this man in the liquor store and she was divorced or seperated at the time.. and my mom gave me a 20$ bill to go get milk and bread from the store and nothing else. I ended up coming back with this small puppy that jumped and barked for my unborn baby sister. I don't think mom will ever let me live that down buying a 20$ toy for my unborn sister. Instead of buying us milk and bread, yeah i learned young what to do with money lol.

Sister's are special and if you have one all i'm saying is enjoy them while you can. Enjoy the moment's you have watching them grow up. Sooner or later they're married, and having children and growing old. Then you find yourself comparing who's boobs are bigger lol and who's are going to touch the ground first! LOL

God sent us to be sisters
So we can be best of friends
To be there for one another
Even when there is pain
I thank the lord for sending my sisters to me
For whom i truly love and care
We shared so many things together
Like laughter and some scares
It’s funny how we sometimes argue
I guess its normal, in this world
But, having you as my sister
Means more to me, more than you'll ever know
I wouldn’t trade you for anything
I will never let go
As our friendship continues to grow
So will my love for you
Just always remember you can talk to me
I'll be the best friend you ever knew
Sisters by ANGELICA MACHADO @FamilyFriendPoems

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Online Social Networks Make Us More Social

Reported by: Evan Michael
Last Update: 11/06 11:17 pm

It seems just about everyone these days is trying to be more

With the rise in popularity of Facebook and Twitter, many wonder, are these social networks causing us to be less social in the "real" world?

A new study from the Pew Internet and American Life Project debunks earlier thinking that technology causes people to hole up at home and avoid real world social interactions.

It turns out, those who regularly use digital technologies are more social.

The study also found people who share photos online are more likely to discuss important matters with someone of another political party. Also, frequent internet users are much more likely to confide in someone who is of another race, as well as belong to a local volunteer organization or charitable organization.

Re: Online Social Networks Make Us More Social

I'd like to be the first to comment on this article and what it has done for me and my life. First off ill start by thanking my good friend @PaulBritPhoto for introducing me to this information.

A great friend whom has gone above and beyond in introducing me to some really great followers/Supporters on twitter. @PaulBritPhoto, Professional Photographer not only uses twitter to make contacts with Realters to photograph houses and that helps his job.

Paul goes above and beyond by helping his followers with their Avatar's and with information about how to better use twitter where it is efficient enough to run a business.

Amongst many other Social Media Pro's @Paulbritphoto doesn't just retweet his link about his business no he takes times out of his life to talk and engage in conversation and tweet songs for those that request their favorite tune.

Paul has also introduced me to many followers and has guided me on twitter. He's the Jedi of Twitter! Paul is one of many great followers and leaders amongst twitter that have encouraged and supported me through some difficult times.

A few other mentions before i conclude this blog..@AndyCrash and @TommyTrc the comedians of twitter, and @BilleBaty sends out encouraging quotes. these people have encouraged me to stay strong and to continue to live my life resiliently!

But this comment isn't just about who's who on twitter or what's what.. the thing is Twitter is a Social Marketing tool and in order for it to run properly you have to be on it constantly updating information and enaging in conversation for it to work for you.

If your problem or issue is staying home and not getting out thats one thing. We (The people) decide what we do with our lives we can not blame it on twitter or facebook or even myspace!

It is our decision! For myself i do stay home and Twitter has been a tool for me i had a mild heart attack and had passed out from dehydration and was laid off from my job not just because of these reasons but because of the economy. I was devistated to leave the police department. It was my source of income and my second home away from home.

Now, my grandmother took a turn for the worst and she now needs 24 hour care. I take care of her and do my twitter to keep social so that my mind is constantly working. I do my best to keep busy, for others that can leave the house its easy to do twitter is everywhere! Library's, Starbucks,any kinko's coffee house's, Internet/computer hangouts etc.

Now if your like @ChrisVoss who uses a twitter feed to twitt his links out occasionally but still interacts thats the way to accomidate your followers and that is Social Networking!

I believe that Twitter has created a great awareness for our community in and off the computer! I could keep going but ill stop here for now.. this is how i feel that twitter has helped Empower my life!