Thursday, April 29, 2010

“Relationship Advisors” “Snort”

I never understood how women/men could be jealous of someone else’s relationship. I guess it could be because they are having their own difficulties in their own relationships.

Men and women will always find something that they are not happy with in their relationship rather than focus on the good things that they have. They tend to focus on what others have instead of making memories of their own.

My opinion is everyone is either afraid of what they don’t know and or want what they can’t obtain.

Let’s examine some of “the people who care” on twitter, care…? about what? “My well being?”

“When is it beyond the call of the duty as a friend and crossing the boundaries of counseling?”

“You say you’re a counselor.. where’s your certification?” “Your degree?”

“What makes you more special than me what entitles you to know more than I do about my own relationship?”

When I asked pauls opinion he took his Bluetooth ear piece out and farted in it and said

“That’s my thoughts of the matter” Paul is un-following entire cliques of gossip filled m*ther f*ckers as he puts it.  

Paul said to me yesterday “Why would women you never want to fuck give relationship advice to those who are?”

I wouldn’t put things so bluntly because there are two sides of the coin. If you invite people into your life and share your stories with them of course they always want to advise you. What you shouldn’t do and what you should do? Offer their opinion.

But isn’t there anything that can be done for these type of friends? Who don’t know the boundaries of psychology and friendship when is it wrong to dissect your friends relationship? How do you know that they aren’t upset that you are prying?

"Counselors must make every effort to avoid dual relationships with clients that could impair their professional judgment or increase the risk of harm to clients. When a dual relationship cannot be avoided, counselors must take appropriate steps to ensure that judgment is not impaired and that no exploitation occurs."

"Recognize the trust placed in and unique power of the therapeutic relationship.”

“While acknowledging the complexity of some counseling relationships, avoid exploiting the trust and dependency of clients.”

Avoid those “dual” relationships sexual and non sexual with clients (e.g., business or close personal relationships) which could impair your professional judgment, compromise the integrity of the treatment, and/or use the relationship for our own gain."
Crossing this line can be dangerous.”
 Most states have well-defined training and certification requirements for individuals seeking a license to perform counseling dealing with mental health and emotional well-being. Performing those services without a license you can violate a state's certification requirements.
An influential article, widely-cited in several literature and ethics cases, that proposed the disticnction between boundary crossings and boundary violations, described how to assess each boundary crossing on a case-by-case basis that takes into account the context and situation-specific facts, and that explored diverse boundaries such as role, time, place and space, money, gifts, services, clothing, language, self-disclosure, and physical contact.
The reason for this blog is not because I’m angry or upset, and want to lash out at all counselors for the many times MANY MANY times counselors have crossed the boundaries with me.
One when this intern at work whom I felt sorry for because her fiancé left her, I took her to Best buy to buy a cd of music to make her happy and cheer her up she cursed me out through the entire store causing me to vomit some suppressed things that had happened to me.
I can’t recall the whole situation because I just don’t remember maybe because I would rather not remember it was just a bad experience.
Secondly amongst twitter we have a counselor who I felt had an interest in my boyfriend and was telling me to break up with him and that he was not good for me offering this sound advice all the while … she was following my boyfriend and then chose one day to un-follow him and myself and then re-follows us the next day.
Of course I didn’t follow back and I don’t plan on it. But those are two examples.
Thirdly Doctors to me are like counselors.. they have to keep a certain level of professionalism amongst twitter and I ran into this OBGYN who I thought oh I could trust with some personal questions about the rape that I had experienced well because I had a disagreement with one of her fellow followers, she threatened to go on the grid with my personal questions.
How if I can’t go to a professional with something personal how do you EXPECT ME to trust you! How do you expect me to build trust??? A friendship.. ?? is there something wrong here? Are you listening to me..??
DON’T COUNSEL ME! I don’t need your counseling I need a friend! Someone who will listen but not offer their opinion someone willing to let me be WHO I AM.. who I want to be.. not someone willing to change me.
“This is not let’s construct someone’s life today”
If anything social media, twitter, and friendships that are built through twitter are tools for marketing, networking, and launching a business.
“Keep Twitter Professional!”
“Remember your Role as a friend vs. your role as a counselor”
“Decide what you want to be in my life before you tweet to me about my relationship, a professional advisor or a friend?”
“These are the Boundaries and that is why there are Rules!”

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

“I am not an accident”

“I am not an accident”
April 28, 2010

“O Lord, You saw me before I was born and Scheduled Each day of my life before I began to breathe. Everyday was recorded in your book!”  Psalm 139: 16

“You are not an accident”, You ever wonder when your alone in your room you’re back at 15 years old and your pimpled face and getting ready for high school, the first day of high school and you’re a freshman. You wake up you press your clothes you can’t decide what you want to wear? You feel the pressures already, peer pressure to fit in.

Life is not easy as a young adult and it’s harder when you face the first day of high school, with the ugly truth that you are not the daughter of the man sitting next to you dropping you off at the front of the school on your first day.

That pimpled face girl with bottle capped glasses and the bad hair do’ was me. My Step-father turned to me that day and said there’s something I have to tell you. “I’m not really your father”… now my face was puzzled I didn’t know what to believe I didn’t know why, and I didn’t understand..

I was going to be late. I just wanted to get out of the car. I was afraid to be in the car with him as it was. He went on to explain to me that my mother would have to tell me the truth someday. And I ran down the stairs at high school with tears in my eyes sitting on the cement bench, It was passed my first class and I was alone in school sitting there waiting as the bells rang and not wanting to go to class because I was a mess.

I had to go to class though because I didn’t want to get caught by the safety guard so I went to my counselor and asked for a pass and she turned to me and said why?
Why are you late to your class? Why aren’t you in class? And I said there was something that came up and I was late and she could tell by looking at me I had been crying so did not press to question me further and gave me the pass and I went on to class.

I went through the rest of the day wondering about what he meant and what to expect to hear when I got home. The school day was over and my mother picked me up from school. She didn’t tell me anything she had no idea my step-father had told me what he had told me about not being his daughter.

We got home and I walked in the house and I went to my room and put my belongings down and went straight into the kitchen and asked my mother what she thought he meant by what he had told me. She called me to come sit with her on the couch that day. She had not planned on telling me at a young age. She wanted to tell me when I got a bit older but felt forced now to tell me the truth.

I had been born from a rape that had happened to her. She said as she cried that God was my father and that she was blessed with me and that she had the option for abortion but chose to have me and because she chose to have me she’s been blessed.

Basically, I don’t even remember the rest of this conversation. I don’t recall it at all… I figure because it was a bit of a shock to me at that age… other than what I do remember of it. I knew then and I know now and have always known “God” To be my father and he does not make mistakes, and I am no accident.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

A TRIP DOWN MEMORY LANE.... and my Fight for survival!

"Smiles were often fake"... 

I remember a time when I was younger I was 3-4 years old at the time I watched my father beat my mother repeatedly as she was pregnant with my baby sister getting my mother on the floor hitting her with high heels and tennis shoes, and didn’t even care that I was there watching….

Parent’s you are modeling relationships for your children sit listen and hear this story… It’s for you.  

Many times the relationships I have had not to many but the one’s I have had where Jose’ this guy who told me if I had cheated on him he wouldn’t beat the guy up but he would beat me in front of him so he would be hurt not me.

Another ex was Alfonso, he had me in a head lock and told me if I knew he could kill me. These are the past relationships I’ve had.. these are the things that I learned from…

My parent’s were not much of a modeled relationship for me they had to call the police many times to our house to stop my parents from yelling and throwing things and my step-father from beating my mother. I didn’t understand it and still don’t understand how a man could take a hand to a woman.

And for women to sit there and say “this is ok she deserved it..” are just as bad, sure I can understand being upset because you know all in all you have the choice you can leave.. you can walk out!

Hence the song “I’VE CHANGED MY MIND! I DON’T LOVE YOU NO MORE! DON’T WAISTE MY TIME! “ just like the words say don’t waist my time don’t abuse me don’t take my life into your hands and beat me that’s not love, never has been and never will be.
Stand your ground be strong and stick to your word. You love your children then do it for them if not for yourself!

Sure things are easier said than done but I’m 34’ years old now and I’ve done it and so can you!

“Your probably thinking what about the bills, who’s going to take those over right? Fighting over money issues, or where you left your clothes on the floor or the hair in the bathroom sink that your husband shaved over, or leaving the toilet seat up.. ? Choose your arguments, don’t let petty stuff become the bit of your relationships!

There was a time I can recall [in color] my mother gave me an allowance $20.00 dollars to buy something from a yard sale. My mother knew that I wanted a swing set for my unborn baby sister, and she gave me just enough to buy it. My mother knew that I loved my baby sister and would buy her the swing set.

I did we were happy we went home and my step-father again came in and I am not sure because I was too young to tell if he was high or drunk, or just being upset because of his own cycle of abuse that he went through sometimes you just don’t know.

But now I have many views of the whole situation. My Step-father came in that day and he was hitting my mom and I looked at him and I was young and I yelled “I HATE YOU!”

I ran down the hall way and sat behind the door and cried and I was scared that he was going to hit me and I peeked out the door because he didn’t come after me he went  after my mother pointing at her saying it was all her fault.

“See what you did It’s all your fault” –Step-father
I ran out and I told him “Stop it just stop it, you can break anything just don’t break the swing set that’s for my sister!” and he looked at me I can’t forget this big shadow hovering over me that said in a deep voice

“ I can break anything in this house I want” –Step-father

He then grabbed the swing set and stepped on it and broke it and threw it out the window along with a T.V. and my pet bird who’s name was “Happy” I believe my bird was almost near death I know my grandma said she was going to borrow my bird to show a friend and she never came back with it and for years I blamed her for getting rid of my bird and stealing my bird from me but what I didn’t realize that I realize now.. is that she was trying to keep me from seeing my bird Die.

Don’t let your “Happiness Die – Leave before it’s too late” – Sarah

More stories to come… keep tuned in. xoxox

“Live life like you want to see your world constructed!” – Sarah


Wednesday, April 21, 2010

My Personal Quotes - Things that I say or Believe to be True

"You either dwell on unhappy thoughts or take charge or your life living it like no one else!" -Sarah Saldana

"Sometimes love comes in spurts I HOPE MY LOVE COMES in bursts!" -Sarah Saldana

"Never be afraid to Live your life the way you believe it should be lived!" -Sarah Saldana

"Poeple that don't think much about life have less to say about it" -Sarah Saldana

"If you never knew love how can you give love "Just Be Love" - Sarah Saldana

"I couldn't count my blessings, because God gave me to many friends when i didn't think i had any!" -Sarah Saldana

"When your alone, your really not alone chances are someone else has been there before you!" -Sarah Saldana

"There's only one road, one path to greatness and I'm taking it!" -Sarah Saldana 

"It's not the money that makes the man it's the man that strives to be his best that defines him!" -Sarah Saldana 

"There is going to be 1 person that doesn't feel good about themselves that's going to put u down Don't fight back just say I love u too" - Sarah Saldana

"Have you Thanked someone today!"- Sarah Saldana

"Live Life Resiliently!" -Sarah Saldana 

"I remember a time when we had nothing, but I also remember that it humbled me and i didn't need anything to be happy" -Sarah Saldana

"Everything that I am is a reflection of those that have loved me" -Sarah Saldana

"No one's pain or suffering is Greater than any else's" -Sarah Saldana