Tuesday, April 27, 2010

A TRIP DOWN MEMORY LANE.... and my Fight for survival!

"Smiles were often fake"... 

I remember a time when I was younger I was 3-4 years old at the time I watched my father beat my mother repeatedly as she was pregnant with my baby sister getting my mother on the floor hitting her with high heels and tennis shoes, and didn’t even care that I was there watching….

Parent’s you are modeling relationships for your children sit listen and hear this story… It’s for you.  

Many times the relationships I have had not to many but the one’s I have had where Jose’ this guy who told me if I had cheated on him he wouldn’t beat the guy up but he would beat me in front of him so he would be hurt not me.

Another ex was Alfonso, he had me in a head lock and told me if I knew he could kill me. These are the past relationships I’ve had.. these are the things that I learned from…

My parent’s were not much of a modeled relationship for me they had to call the police many times to our house to stop my parents from yelling and throwing things and my step-father from beating my mother. I didn’t understand it and still don’t understand how a man could take a hand to a woman.

And for women to sit there and say “this is ok she deserved it..” are just as bad, sure I can understand being upset because you know all in all you have the choice you can leave.. you can walk out!

Hence the song “I’VE CHANGED MY MIND! I DON’T LOVE YOU NO MORE! DON’T WAISTE MY TIME! “ just like the words say don’t waist my time don’t abuse me don’t take my life into your hands and beat me that’s not love, never has been and never will be.
Stand your ground be strong and stick to your word. You love your children then do it for them if not for yourself!

Sure things are easier said than done but I’m 34’ years old now and I’ve done it and so can you!

“Your probably thinking what about the bills, who’s going to take those over right? Fighting over money issues, or where you left your clothes on the floor or the hair in the bathroom sink that your husband shaved over, or leaving the toilet seat up.. ? Choose your arguments, don’t let petty stuff become the bit of your relationships!

There was a time I can recall [in color] my mother gave me an allowance $20.00 dollars to buy something from a yard sale. My mother knew that I wanted a swing set for my unborn baby sister, and she gave me just enough to buy it. My mother knew that I loved my baby sister and would buy her the swing set.

I did we were happy we went home and my step-father again came in and I am not sure because I was too young to tell if he was high or drunk, or just being upset because of his own cycle of abuse that he went through sometimes you just don’t know.

But now I have many views of the whole situation. My Step-father came in that day and he was hitting my mom and I looked at him and I was young and I yelled “I HATE YOU!”

I ran down the hall way and sat behind the door and cried and I was scared that he was going to hit me and I peeked out the door because he didn’t come after me he went  after my mother pointing at her saying it was all her fault.

“See what you did It’s all your fault” –Step-father
I ran out and I told him “Stop it just stop it, you can break anything just don’t break the swing set that’s for my sister!” and he looked at me I can’t forget this big shadow hovering over me that said in a deep voice

“ I can break anything in this house I want” –Step-father

He then grabbed the swing set and stepped on it and broke it and threw it out the window along with a T.V. and my pet bird who’s name was “Happy” I believe my bird was almost near death I know my grandma said she was going to borrow my bird to show a friend and she never came back with it and for years I blamed her for getting rid of my bird and stealing my bird from me but what I didn’t realize that I realize now.. is that she was trying to keep me from seeing my bird Die.

Don’t let your “Happiness Die – Leave before it’s too late” – Sarah

More stories to come… keep tuned in. xoxox

“Live life like you want to see your world constructed!” – Sarah


1 comment:

  1. Sad story Sarah, feel bad for you. I hope that this post can reach somebody that need help. Take care.